So our Twizz walks in to The
Mmatterialisation Chamber, day before Easter weekend, not long turned 7 at
"Daddy, Uncle Skit," she says, "what is Easter all about?"
"It was Friday evening," went
the musique concrète track we were listening to, seeking inspiration for a
new Bullet piece for the holiday weekend, "Jesus had just died on the
"Jesus is dead, let's eat
"Skit like it."
I don't know why I said it, first thing that came into my head. Ridiculous
when you think about it that way, isn't it? Okay, yes, controversial, but
seriously, how else do you explain it to a child?
"Well, young Twizz, Jesus was
perceived as a threat to the existing religious power base and thus publicly
nailed to a large wooden cross, upon which He would have died very slowly
and in the most excruciatingly painful way. Creme Egg?"
I always found it darkly
amusing that Christians mark the death of their Messiah by stuffing their
faces with chocolate. We mark the death of Leonard Nimoy by watching Star
Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan, which seems somehow more relevant and
"Jesus died so Cadbury's
could print money" (*other chocolate makers are available) doesn't
really have the same ring to it. And before my inbox explodes, yes, I'm
aware that not all Christians do the chocolate thing and
that there's other stuff involved too. But then they commercialise
everything these days, don't they? Kill whatever meaning it once had and try
to sell you something instead. And that's what this track is really
So we had our title and a
rather excited 7 year old who was very keen to make her vocal debut. Lyrics?
Let's not over-complicate things. So what sort of musical style would be
appropriate for such a sensitive subject?
"Dance beat?" Skit suggested.
"Nailed it," I agreed, "no pun
"What have we got?"
"How about samples from Zen
Sequent sped up?"
And that's what we did. Go
straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect £200. We'd best not
compound it by doing a Bank Holiday Monday sequel called "Jesus Has Risen
(Let's Mow The Lawn!), eh?