Oh yes, the fourth in our
noteworthy / notorious (*delete as applicable) musique concrčte for
children series. To be fair, I did promise Twizz we could do a Halloween
special last year, but just didn't have the time to fit it in. We'd done the
Valentine's Day one for Otcrah back in February (with Neil Crud as special
guest villain), and when Gerardo told me he was doing a Halloween
compilation again this year, episode 4 was a go!
"So, Twizz," Uncle Skit stares
at her intently, "what evil creature will Officer Kitty do battle with this
time? A vampire? A mummy? How about a werewolf?"
"No," she says, "a donut."
"A scary donut?"
"A scary donut."
This could be a problem, like
how do you make a donut scary? Okay, there's a bit of a story behind this;
it started when Twizz had her friend Grace round for a play-date, Sam was
shopping and I was charged with keeping an eye on them. Yes, I know. At one
point, passing the room they were playing in, I had picked up this toy
squishy donut and poked it round the door, saying creepy things. Grace
thought this was particularly terrifying, but it's okay, she's out of
therapy now and is making a slow but steady recovery. So there ya go, that's
how a donut became an object of fear. The question was how to be make it
scary on a recording. Of course, the best way to make anything
scary is to give it a Scottish accent.
"I cannae change the laws of
Petrifying, isn't it?
Now, as luck would have it,
September saw the annual visit of our old friend Stuart 'Mr. H' Hamilton,
formerly of the Zeitgeist zine and radio station and The Rocker website.
Humbly admitting he had no dignity to lose, he graciously agreed to Twizz's
demands, so she put the knife down. The rest, as they say, is history. I
sent Stuart a copy of the final mix, to which he graciously replied;
"I can rest easy now, knowing
my work is done and that I have been immortalised in the Officer Kitty
And those are the very words we
used to ensnare Stan Batcow for the next one. You have been warned...
Myself, Mr. H, Twizz and Sam, enjoying a
brew in Wetherspoons in Formby. Don't blame us for the blurry photo, the
waitress took it. Selfie was worse.