Officer Kitty vs The Donut

( H a l l o w e e n   S p e c i a l )

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Running Time: 5:43

Released On: "Halloween Ruidoso 2022" - Various Artists (26 tracks)

Label: OTCRAH Records (RCOMP 06)

Release Date: 26th October 2022

Format: Download

Buy Link: Internet Archive

Oh yes, the fourth in our noteworthy / notorious (*delete as applicable) musique concrète for children series. To be fair, I did promise Twizz we could do a Halloween special last year, but just didn't have the time to fit it in. We'd done the Valentine's Day one for Otcrah back in February (with Neil Crud as special guest villain), and when Gerardo told me he was doing a Halloween compilation again this year, episode 4 was a go!

"So, Twizz," Uncle Skit stares at her intently, "what evil creature will Officer Kitty do battle with this time? A vampire? A mummy? How about a werewolf?"

"No," she says, "a donut."

"A scary donut?"

"A scary donut."

This could be a problem, like how do you make a donut scary? Okay, there's a bit of a story behind this; it started when Twizz had her friend Grace round for a play-date, Sam was shopping and I was charged with keeping an eye on them. Yes, I know. At one point, passing the room they were playing in, I had picked up this toy squishy donut and poked it round the door, saying creepy things. Grace thought this was particularly terrifying, but it's okay, she's out of therapy now and is making a slow but steady recovery. So there ya go, that's how a donut became an object of fear. The question was how to be make it scary on a recording. Of course, the best way to make anything scary is to give it a Scottish accent.

"I cannae change the laws of physics!"

Petrifying, isn't it?

Now, as luck would have it, September saw the annual visit of our old friend Stuart 'Mr. H' Hamilton, formerly of the Zeitgeist zine and radio station and The Rocker website. Humbly admitting he had no dignity to lose, he graciously agreed to Twizz's demands, so she put the knife down. The rest, as they say, is history. I sent Stuart a copy of the final mix, to which he graciously replied;

"I can rest easy now, knowing my work is done and that I have been immortalised in the Officer Kitty saga."

And those are the very words we used to ensnare Stan Batcow for the next one. You have been warned...

Myself, Mr. H, Twizz and Sam, enjoying a brew in Wetherspoons in Formby. Don't blame us for the blurry photo, the waitress took it. Selfie was worse.

THUNDER RIDER